


Honesty

by mansikka



Series: Honesty [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, Getting Together, Human Castiel, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-18 00:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5891449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Sam's away for a couple days.”</p><p>Cas looked up from the book he'd been reading on his bed to find Dean standing hesitantly in the doorway.</p><p>“Why?” Cas asked, turning the corner of the page and closing the book on his lap.</p><p>He watched as Dean's mouth opened and closed, fist clenching and bumping lightly against the frame. He rolled his eyes then, half stepping forward.</p><p>“I was gonna say he's gone hunting but you said I had to be honest with you now, so...” Dean's head dropped a little but Cas moved, forcing the eye contact and watching as a strange ripple went through Dean as he straightened up.</p><p>“So..” Cas prompted.</p><p>“He thought we could use some time. On our own. You know. To talk. Or whatever.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Honesty

“Sam's away for a couple days.”

Cas looked up from the book he'd been reading on his bed to find Dean standing hesitantly in the doorway.

“Why?” Cas asked, turning the corner of the page and closing the book on his lap.

He watched as Dean's mouth opened and closed, fist clenching and bumping lightly against the frame. He rolled his eyes then, half stepping forward.

“I was gonna say he's gone hunting but you said I had to be honest with you now, so...” Dean's head dropped a little but Cas moved, forcing the eye contact and watching as a strange ripple went through Dean as he straightened up.

“So..” Cas prompted.

“He thought we could use some time. On our own. You know. To talk. Or whatever.” If there were any way for Dean to look more out of his comfort zone, Cas had yet to see it.

“Talk.”Cas repeated, wary of what that implied, or didn't.

“Yeah, Cas. Talk. About this,” he waved his hand randomly between them, pleading in his eyes for an easy out.

“Sam is giving us some time?”

A small nod. “He is.”

“Does Sam have a problem with what happened the other night?”

This time, a snort. “'Course not. He's practically out picking patterns.”

“I don't understand-”

“He's cool with it.” Dean shrugged. “Always figured he would be with things like this. Says he's happy.”

“Do you have a problem with what happened the other night?” Cas asked after an uncomfortable silence between them, not able to mask the fear in his voice.

Dean looked at him then, really looked, holding onto Cas' gaze.

_They'd been sniping at each other for the best part of two days following several scrapes and bruises killing a nest of vampires, and Cas not being careful enough for Dean's liking. Tension crackled in the air, and everything was spoken between them through glares, slammed doors, and turned backs. Sam made no effort to hide his discomfort being in the same room as them both._

_A sullen dinner was followed by angry washing up, dishes very lucky to remain intact as they were banged down on surfaces and thrown into cupboards. Dean was livid, Cas confused, but adamant he'd done nothing wrong._

_As the evening wore heavily on them all, Cas snapped, swung his bedroom door shut with a bang, only to emerge minutes later with a bag over his shoulder. Dean's head flew up from the laptop he'd been half-attempting to research on, eyes taking in the bag and eyebrow arching in disbelief._

_“I'm going.”_

_The chair scraped noisily as Dean shoved it back._

_“What?_

_“I said. I'm going. I believe I have outstayed my welcome. I'll...call in a few days.” and with that, Cas spun on his heel, heading for the door._

_Dean shoved it shut hard, spinning Cas roughly so that he lost his balance a little and stumbled back against the door._

_“Why?” Dean's eyes were bright and his voice rough, hand gripping tightly to Cas' shoulder._

_“I am a burden to you.”_

_“No, Cas-”_

_“You are angry, Dean. You are always angry. And I can do nothing to appease you. I am. In the way. A burden. I cannot help you, and you are tired of watching my back. So I must leave.”_

_Panic flashed neon across Dean's face, making him shake his head. His tongue seeming to work its way around words he couldn't get out in several aborted attempts. “No, Cas. None of that's true. I just got mad 'cause I was scared you were hurt. That I couldn't stop you from being hurt.”_

_“I do not need your protection.” Cas' tone was curt, a reminder of the former angelic indignance he had once spoken with._

_Dean halted, and Cas watched the dance of the unspoken in Dean's eyes._

_“I'm going.” he repeated, trying to turn away._

_A heavy hand pushed him back._

_“Please,” the desperate tone in Dean's voice took Cas by surprise._

_“Why?” A whisper, because there was nothing else he could manage._

_“I need you here, Cas.”_

_“I-”_

_And surprising them both, Dean leaned into Cas, pressing a hard, not-to-be-argued-with claim on his mouth. Cas parted his lips in a gasp, and Dean stumbled, moving his own lips in a rough kiss that Cas found himself instinctively returning. His hand crept up to grab the back of Dean's neck and Dean roughly shoved the bag from Cas' shoulder to the floor, gripping him firmly by both shoulders. Cas' free hand fluttered at Dean's side before curling into his shirt, and here they stood, leaning into one another as their rough, desperate kiss became the only thing either of them could focus on._

_Minutes passed, and Dean pulled away for air, leaning their foreheads together._

_As their breaths calmed, Dean backed away very slightly to put a finger under Cas' chin and force it up so he would look at him. His eyes fell on Cas' lips again and he placed another kiss there before pulling away again._

_“We're gonna work this out, Cas.”_

_And with that he turned, startling briefly as Sam stood awkwardly behind them, then shrugged, slinking off to his room._

“Only problem I got with it is that we gotta talk it out. Neither of us are great at the talking thing.”

Cas smiled for the first time since the conversation had begun. “I like to think we can learn,” he said hopefully, and he watched as Dean let out a breath he didn't seem to know he was holding on to.

“We will. So. Uh,” and now Dean looked flustered, elbow still leaning on the door frame and a hand swiping roughly across his face. “I'm gonna cook. You hungry?”

“I am.”

“Good. Um. Come out when you're ready?” he waited until Cas nodded, nodded in reply, and walked away.

Cas listened to Dean's footfall grow quieter as he made his way to the kitchen, placing a hand on his chest with his thumb catching the erratic beating of his heart and his fingers feeling a churning warmth in his stomach.

_After 'the incident', Cas had stood dumbstruck for several minutes before realising Sam was stood watching him._

_“You're not going to follow him?”_

_When he couldn't think of the words he wanted to say, he simply raised his hands in a gesture that said, 'I don't know what to do here.'_

_Sam sighed, and with a small nod of his chin towards the hallway Dean had just disappeared down, said, “That was a pretty big deal for him, you know? He's never... I mean he's never...”_

_This time Sam was without words and just shook his head. “You guys need to talk. Really talk. You'll...figure it out.”_

_Cas did not feel as convinced as Sam seemed to be but he nodded, turning to grab the bag dropped to the floor and flinging the strap over his shoulder. With a shy smile to Sam, he quietly followed Dean to his room._

_The door was surprisingly open and Cas hovered in the doorway, waiting._

_“No need to stand on parade, Cas. Come on in.”_

_Dean stood awkwardly by the side of his bed, looking as though he'd been pacing and dragging his fingers through his hair if the way it stood up in clumps was anything to go by._

_“I don't know what happened there.” Dean began with, laughing a little._

_Cas' shoulders grew rigid, and his heart gave one loud thump at the thought of Dean brushing him off. Dean seemed to recognise this and took a step forward, shaking his head._

_“Not saying I didn't want it to happen, Cas. Or that I regret it.”_

_Cas watched as Dean reached out a trembling, hesitant hand to lay on his shoulder. Cas' eyes stayed rooted to the back of Dean's hand for a moment, before flicking back up to Dean's._

_“I need you to be honest with me, Dean. I have no idea what you are thinking, but I want you to be honest.”_

_“Honest,” Dean parroted. “I can do honest. Okay. I'm feeling. What I'm feeling is confused, Cas. I can't believe I just...” and the gesture between their lips was so bewildered that Cas couldn't help but smile._

_“As am I, Dean.”_

_“I don't know what this is.” Dean blurted out, surprising himself. “I do know... I need you to stay. Right here. Help me figure this out. Just... we're gonna have to figure this out, real slow. Can we do that?”_

_Cas didn't move, or say anything._

_“Cas? Come on, buddy. Say something?”_

_Cas flicked his tongue out over his dry lips, and noted with a little tug to his stomach the way Dean's eyes fell to his lips, mirroring the gesture._

_“We can figure this out. Slowly. But I need you to-”_

_“Be honest,” Dean finished, a triumphant smile on his face. “Yeah, I can do that, Cas.”_

_“Okay.”_

_“Okay.”_

_They stood awkwardly for a beat, then Cas stepped forward, eyes never leaving Dean's. He lifted his chin slightly in a gesture speaking defiance, placed a soft but firm kiss to Dean's lips, waiting for a reaction. Dean kissed back, and Cas stepped away, wonder evident in his eyes since he'd expected only rejection. His expression must have said as much, because Dean leaned in again and kissed him once more, even softer this time._

_“Slowly, okay?”_

So now it looked like they were going to talk. Cas swallowed nervously and looked around his room. He'd decorated it as Dean had suggested, some posters on the wall and a few possessions he'd collected along the way gathered on the shelves. It wasn't much, but it was his home. He'd never wanted to leave, not really.

Wiping his hands on the thighs of his jeans, he stood, sucking in a steadying breath and following Dean out.

  
  



End file.
